School Daze

I’m a pack rat. Not to be confused with a hoarder. You can maneuver through my house freely without piles of junk lining the hallways or stacked up in the diningroom.

“Pack Rat” seems so harsh. I like “sentimentalist” better. My husband and I have propaganda dating back as far as the early 1900′s. But most of my things are from my childhood. Barbies, diaries, 45′s, yoyos, books, snail shells, photo albums, my first county ID…I was looking for a scrapbook that I kept back in jr. high and while digging through I had to remove some of the other articles to get to the container it was stored in. It was a huge portfolio envelope with my oldest’s art work from school. It was over packed and it just fell apart. So I gathered it up and put it on the floor with intentions of sorting through it, whittling it down to a manageable pile and putting it back in the closet.

Never did find what I was looking for in the scrapbook. It was really cool, too. So much for THAT blog post.

Anyway, my oldest sat down with me and we went through this pile of archives. Most of it was from first and second grade. These two teachers were wonderful in documenting EVERYTHING. They even translated some of the writings. Glad she could read his handwriting, it looked like a foreign language to me.

Granted school was not my kid’s strongest points. They hated school before they even started it in Kindergarten.  To this day I’ll never live down the fact that they went to Pre K.  So needless to say their enthusiasm to learn wasn’t  there.

Writing was laboreous to them. To this day my youngest will not hold a pencil in the normal, traditional way. Their handwritings are like a chicken scratch. But at least it’s legible now. I don’t need Mrs. Freund to translate anything. But they really do lack in certain areas of spelling. Has to be from my husband. He can’t spell for shit. I don’t think journalism or tech writing is a career choice for either of them. This is why spell check was invented.

My son and I had a hilarious laugh over some of these gems of school artifacts.  Alot of “What was I thinking?” and “I don’t have clue as to what this means!” were said over and over. Drawing isn’t my oldest’s best talent, that was given to my youngest, but his sense of humor takes over.

Bottom right corner-had to draw "fall". Complete with blood splatters!

Journal writing-no idea what he got for Christmas. Maybe Santa does.

“Kroty fiters” I believe is “Karate Fighters”.

“Madik skl bos” ?????????????????

“and a well kalender”. The “kalender” part I got, but “well”? Probably “wall”.

Love the snowman! "Hep!"

Wonder who he “troow” ice at?

I have “nrfs”??? And he got on it!!?

Yeah, that's me. Voted "Best Cook". I apparently make the best pizza!

That's a mushroom on the right by the way.

“Coritsas” are kind of “juiey”

“Pees tast juiey” (Really? Pees? OH, Pizza!! Got it!)

“Muchroms tast bland” He can’t get enough of them now. Puts them on EVERYTHING!

Space Ace

I still have a bunch to go through and sort. Haven’t really discarded too much, mostly work sheets. I  have to find my youngest’s envelope of masterpieces. It’s very hard to throw away these little treasures. I hope they keep them when I pass them down to them when they move on to their own place or get married. They’re just hysterical!

CATs

The California Achievement Tests or CATs.

Standardized Testing.

OMG, I remember those damn things!

Clear everything off your desk. EVERYTHING! Including the minuscule piece of rubber eraser.

First the teacher would ask if anyone had to go to the bathroom. Because you weren’t allowed to leave after the test started. We all just looked around at eachother. What idiot would have to pee now?? Or who even had the nerve to get up and go?

Teacher would then hand out #2 pencils, brand new ones, with points on them so sharp you could cut glass. We didn’t have ANY excuse for not being able to answer any test question. Those pencils were ready to go! If the point broke, the teacher would have one on stand by. No need to get up and sharpen that baby.

Then the teacher would hand out the test booklets with the answer sheet tucked inside. The classroom atmosphere was intense. This was serious business here. This was state mandated stuff going on! One slip up and you were doomed. You could hear a pin drop it was so quiet! The teachers loved it! It was the only time we were ever this well behaved!

After everything was handed out and you had your #2 pencil placed horizontally in front of you at the top of the desk and all the necessary papers in front of you, preferably the test booklet to your left, answer sheet to your right, the teacher would then tell you to turn to page 1.

And we all did simultaneously.

She would read the instructions. And we were reminded at least twice to make sure you colored in the dots COMPLETELY and THOROUGHLY! Oh, this was so stressful! What if I didn’t color it in dark enough for them? Would I fail? Ugh, the pressure! After she was done, she would ask the class “Does anyone have any questions?” No, none of us did. I think we were too scared. Any wrong peep out of you was certain failure (to a kid in 3rd grade this was worse than going to the Principal’s office)

The teacher would then announce that the test was about to begin, that you had 60 minutes to complete the first part. FIRST PART!??? THERE’S MORE THAN ONE PART?

“Begin”. And we would all dutifully open to the next page and being the test. In total silence. No one ever spoke a word. All you could hear were pages turning.

If you were done before the allotted time, you were to place your pencil down, quietly, in front of you and just wait with your hands folded on the desk. You were NOT to go into your desk or leave the room (unless you had to pee, but only if you were done with the test).

At exactly 60 minutes, the teacher would stand up and say “Pencils down”. And that’s all you would hear, the #2′s hitting the desk. We would then proceed with Part 2.

This went on for at least 2 days. The mental agony!
My friends and I dreaded this every single year as I was growing up.

As the years went on, more tests were issued. They were called different things. Some had nothing to do with your academic intelligence. If was just to see if your school qualified for government grants. At one point, I remember recently that my kids were getting state issued tests twice a year. For different reasons, every year. They were basically tested to death. A note would come home (if it even made it that far-half ended up in the bottom of my son’s locker) announcing said tests, usually PSSAs (PA only), and to make sure you son/daughter had gotten to bed early enough to get rest, ate a good breakfast and was ready to take the tests. They have since lightened up. I guess they finally came to their senses when the kids realized it had nothing to do with their scholastic awareness. The kids started just messin’ with the tests. Or not even taking them. I would get the results in the mail stating my son did well in the reading but lacked in math. No, maybe he just didn’t feel like coloring in the dots that day.

WTF?

This is where my “thumbs down” icon comes in.

If you allow your little 5 year old boy to dress up like girl for Halloween, no matter what character it is, don’t complain about the ridicule and sneering you get from other moms. You deserve it. You have the power to say “NO, I don’t think dressing like a girl for Halloween is a great idea.” I don’t care if it IS Halloween and you can dress anyway you want, you’re just setting yourself up to be the talk of the PTA! Rumors will fly! And it’s your kid that’s going to be taking the brunt of it when he gets older! Kids are brutal with eachother and it’s a dog eat dog world. YOUR THE PARENT! BE ONE! Bullying is real. It may not happen now, but once someone gets a hold of a picture of him in that ridiculous costume….it’s all over. When he was hemming and hawing about whether to wear it, you should have said, “Yeah, let’s find something else.”. He obviously knew it wasn’t going to go over well. You missed your moment. THAT’S when you should have gone to Walmart and got him Spiderman! Explaining to him that he shouldn’t care what other people think at his age is useless. Because they do. The world will NEVER be full of bleeding heart philanthropists. The hippie movement will not come to his rescue. The school years are going to be stressful for both of you. Be prepared.

Oh and good job labeling him already. The kid doesn’t even know what “gay” means.

Don’t get any ideas that I’m against gays or their rights. I’m not. I have plenty of friends that are gay and I love them dearly! But this is a crucial age. Somethings are better left unsaid and unnoticed until later in life. This isn’t to say the child will never have any friends, he will. There are SOME kids that won’t shun him. Thankfully! But the verbal and possible physical abuse he may endure during the next 13 years in school could be damaging. Until you know otherwise, maybe some GI JOES for Christmas or Batman toys under the tree. Sign him up for soccer. Karate. Basketball. You’re just making life hellish for yourself if you think it doesn’t bother you and you don’t care what other people in the school are thinking. Because I know you do. I know I would.

Reality Education

I found this the other day while cleaning out some papers. It was a spoof on the local Community College’s Course Selector where I used to live (also know as “College on the Hill” due to the fact that you had to walk up an 80 degree slope as well as steps to get to the main campus). I still laugh at some of it! I remember when I first got it about 25 years ago, I was rolling.  Sadly, some of it could probably correlate with today’s society and lifestyles, like “How to Convert Your Familyroom into a Garage” or “1001 Other Ways to Use Your Vacuum Cleaner.” Back then, these were just funny ideas and “could you imagine”. But amazingly, some of these really could be offered, especially for those with teenage daughters: “The Repair and Maintenance of Your Vaginitiy”. Think about it!

(sorry it’s alittle small, I had to shrink it to fit into the page)