Hats Off – PLEASE!

My son and I were talking about the Royal Wedding and the women who wore outrageous hates like Sarah Ferguson’s daughter Beatrice.

Via Hollywood Reporter-Isn't this just hideous!

Are you kidding me? It looks like a NuvaRing for contraception for crying outloud! Was she trying to tell us something? That’s not a hat, it’s a billboard for birth control for young women! Even the color is indicative for such a device.

Instead of “O” with a bow, you could put a big “L” for LOOOOOOOOSER with bow.

If that’s not enough to make you start laughing hysterically giggle inside because it IS just so stupid, check this one out:

Via Getty Images-The Blue Vagina Hat

The Blue Vagina Hat.

This is the one that prompted this post.
My son was telling me about this. He said it even has it’s own Twitter account! So of course, I ran to my computer and did a search.

And be damned if it does!

But that’s not the funny part.

The accounts that showed up when I put “Blue Vagina Hat” in the search box is what cracked me up:

Sarah Palin – her VERIFIED account

Usher

Kanye West

Oprah

Sarah Silverman

JUSTINE BIEBER! VERIFIED account!

BARAK OBAMA! VERIFIED account!

Lady Gaga

and

Britney Spears.

It has only 11 followers and one tweet. But it’s the principle. This hat deserves the “WTF” Award. Yes, the color is beautiful as is the woman wearing it (I didn’t bother to catch her name, she does resemble Le Ann Rimes, ok, maybe not).

Could Eugenie’s have been made on the same concept? But with a French Tickler?

Via Glamour.com Could you imagine if both of these hats were RED!??? Or PINK! OMG!

I love hats. I love wearing hats and may wear more of them because of this wedding. I wore a hat with my wedding dress. If I want to draw attention to myself, positive attention mind you, it won’t be with one of these. I guess when you’re this rich, you can wear anything you want regardless of how pompous it looks.

Here Comes The Royal Bride

I was asked by a couple of my good bloggy friends about doing a blog rant post about the Royal Wedding.

Everyone knows what a British nutcase I am. But I’m sort of on the fence with all this. I wasn’t sure I was going to do a blog post on Wills and Catherine. It is a great distraction from all the BS that is going on in both countries as far as the economy and foreign affairs are concerned.

The whole Royal Monarchy is a farce really. A major drain on the Briton’s wallets. The Queen and her dysfunctional brood collect a handsome allowance from the English Parliament that is about as broke as America. They have taxes on just about EVERYTHING. Don’t bother going over there during the winter. If it snows, forget it. They don’t plow the secondary roads-at all! Driving around London? Don’t forget to pay your “congestion charge”.

As I watched the BBC’s week long coverage of this wedding, you can’t help think the amount of money being dumped spent on this extravaganza. This event is bigger than the President’s inauguration. It is exciting. But I really feel the pressure for Catherine. The one correspondent remarked that 180 countries were tuned in. Could you imagine having your wedding day broadcasted around the world??? I almost got sick with the thought of under 100 PEOPLE for mine. Then on top of it all, a ROYAL wedding. You have an etiquette to adhere to as well. You’re not just walking down an isle, meeting your groom at the alter, standing there, maybe have your communion, say your vows, turn, and leave.  There’s a whole choreographed routine. The stress. But it’s so worth it. Imagine the privileges! No, I’m not going to list them, you can imagine them yourself. It isn’t hard. Just imagine your life but with everything YOU DON’T HAVE AND WISHED YOU HAD!  Other than the life threatening diseases.

And of course, we’re all thinking about the wedding night, aren’t we? I said AREN’T WE PEOPLE???? Well, Marina is.

Shit, they even got a congratulations from the Space Station.  I don’t even think Obama got that. I know for sure there wasn’t half the country camped out in front of the White House. There WAS half a country camped outside Buckingham Palace. Some for 5 days!

But I think these two are the perfect couple. SO perfect it’s sickening. Both are university educated, there’s no controversial backgrounds. You know what I mean, neither was caught in the Pink Rhino either pole dancing or having a lap dance. Neither smokes (no bongs have been spotted), she’s pretty, he’s handsome. *GAG*

After seeing Catherine’s dress, I’m excited to say it was very similar to mine! Without the mile long train and window sheer head dress. I want to know how much her earrings cost?

Image courtesy of The Week

I have to say the Queen through all this looked less than enthused. While singing one of the hymns she looked bothered, hardly singing, Camilla as well. This must be all so ho hum for them. Just another day in church. When the singing was over, the minister or whoever he was in the draperies was drolling on about something and I thought Catherine was going to yawn at one point.

I couldn’t help wonder what was going through Monkey Ears head when “to be faithful” was said.

Does anyone know why there aren’t any females in the church choir?

I tuned my brain out when all the bible reading starting taking place and went in search of my wedding album to find a decent picture of my wedding dress.

All in all it was a beautiful wedding. I didn’t get up at 3am to watch. I got up a 6:30am to tend to my garage sale. I watched highlights after dinner.

Was it worth all the build up? The months and months of coverage? The BBC taking my favorite show off the air to present the history of the Royals? ALL FRACKIN’ WEEK?

No. And Elton John looks terrible.

And the BBC can put Top Gear back on.

Ain't we sweet? Mr. and Mrs. Dork. It was so windy that day!

If  you want to read a really entertaining blog post on all this read The Good Greatsby

The New Tourist Attraction

Photo courtesy of Flikr

While sitting bored out of my cranium in the surgery center this morning waning on only 3 hours of sleep, I managed to read a Hollywood scandal sheet inbetween yawns. You know, the magazines that ask you which dress looks better on who? J Lo or Susan Boyle? Are you kidding me?

ANYWHO, I had an anxiety attack for the future Princess of Wales, Ms. Middleton. I REEEEALLY hope this child knows what she’s getting herself into. OK, she has decided agreed (wonder what would have happened if she didn’t!?) to change her name to Catherine. Because it’s more dignified. Now it starts. Would you believe she’s on Wikipedia already?

We all know that the Queen and her kin are really just tourist attractions. They reap big bucks for the country. And it costs that country big quid as well to keep them royal.

This has got to be a thankless position to be in. She has about 5 hours a day spent on choosing and trying on wedding dresses. She is getting the low-down on the palace and I’m sure a history lesson (they’ll probably test her on it-it wouldn’t surprise me). Then there are meetings teaching her the appropriate way to get in and out of cars, which fork to use, which knife to use, how to behave at banquets, what to wear and how to wear it, how to walk, how to attend parties and she’s even being counseled on how to avoid depression through all this! She has already been booked to appear at a variety of charities, so that means she has to learn how to be a public speaker! THAT would be my greatest fear! I’d be up puking all night from just the stress of that. I could handle the paparazzi snapping my picture, asking me questions, making up stories, but getting up in front of a bunch of dignitaries or high ranking public figures would just send me into a downward spiral.

All this is going to wear thin. She’s a nice girl from a middle class family. Just a normal schmo.

Already there’s headlines that she was cheating on William, she won’t wear Dianna’s wedding dress, she’s pregnant of all things, and oh my gawd….she was photographed in a …..BIKINI!! WTF! She’s 28 years old! What’s the big deal? Bill is no idiot!

Of course, she has all sorts of professional royal waiters and servants and advisers coaching her all the way here. Can you imagine the whirlwind, not to mention the microscope she’s going to be under? Are the benefits of all this stress, pressure and attention worth it? Sure, she’s privy to a fleet of cars (I’m SO jealous!), expensive dresses, around the world trips, living in luxury in a beautiful home in Wales (again, jealous!), as small and unimportant as it may seem….her own hair stylist! Oh, to have someone do my hair everyday! Or at least when I want to go out. She’ll even have someone help pick out what to wear to certain events which I find to be EXTREMELY helpful. C’mon how many times have you stressed over what to wear to just a picnic let alone a charity lunch? Tsk, Be real!

I wonder how long it’s going to be before she starts asserting herself. Kate is NO dummy. Think about it. The day she says “Sod off to this royal family stuff!” I can’t see the the queen mum telling her, “Sweetheart, William likes his cereal in the Royal Dalton bowl, not the Pottery Barn one.”. Or “Don’t you think your hair is too long? I believe you need a royal day in the hair salon.”.

Looks and brains! She’s so wholesome it makes me sick.  I hope this doesn’t ruin her or the marriage. After all, it’s the royal service that comes before the wife in this fantasy world. If they make her cut her long brown tresses, I’ll be SOO pissed off!

One Ringy Dingy

So Kate and William are officially engaged! Wonderful! And England is happy once more. In light of all the turmoil that little country is going through, this is a small ray of sunshine for the blokes in the UK.

Kate’s ring? 18 carat oval sapphire surrounded by diamonds-Princess Diana’s engagement ring. Stunning! Didn’t she step in shit, huh? Imagine wearing your finance’s mom’s engagement ring….and that mom was Princess Diana of Wales??? Shut up!!!!

Picture courtesy of CBS News

There are already orders for replicas! The NYC company “Natural Sapphire Co” has been up ALL night taking orders for the ring from Britain, Canada and from the US. The replica ring is more round, Kate’s is oval. But sales and orders have skyrocketed!

Picture courtesy of Kansas City Star

Princess Diana’s or now Kate’s ring is valued at $500,000! The replicas? $100,000 – $200,000!

Recession? What recession? Amazing amidst foreclosures, unemployment, bankruptcies, and slow economy people are still able to dole out hundreds of thousands of dollars for a ring. A ring!!!

I hope the ring isn’t jinxed! Aren’t I a wealth of optimism?

But they make a lovely couple, don’t they?