Jane Austen You’re Not

Just read a blog post on ways to improve your writing.

Are you fucking kidding me?

People take blogging really seriously, don’t they?

I take a thought, put on the screen, tweak it alittle, make sure there’s no typos, and hit “publish”.

Nothing deep. Maybe insightful. Maybe humorous.

If I made you smile, laugh, spit your coffee out all over your keyboard (really sorry ’bout that), or provoke a thought, then I’m a happy camper!

If I get a comment, yeaaaa me!

What’s with all this BS with tips on writing? It’s a blog!!! If you want to be serious, write for a newspaper or magazine or underground cult hell bent on changing the world and conquering global warming or making soybeans the national vegetable. If you do if for a living, great! Most of us don’t. We’re not that special. We didn’t sit in on Professor Boredom’s lectures on manifesting the adjective into diphthongs. I’m sorry I missed it. NOT!

Just write. Don’t think about it too long, let it out naturally. Breathe in and out. “Oh, that’s not the proper verb.  Am I dialoging this sentence correctly? Are the thoughts I’m putting down meaningful? Who am I trying to reach here?”.

OH GET OVER IT!

NO ONE on WordPress or Blogger or where ever it is you wish to lash out on is ever going to be William Shakespeare, Louis Carroll, or Jackie Collins.  Just because a bunch of your friends say you should write a blog doesn’t mean you should go write a book. There are no experts here! Just those with good agents. And they’re not experts either.

God I hate these know it all people.

10 Things That Make Me Happy

I’ve been tagged by IYAMPAM (I Forgot What I Was Doing) for 10 Things That Make Me Happy. Wow, there are lots of things. I usually blog about what DOESN’T make me happy, but it’s a nice change to think happy thoughts!

I’ll start with #10 and work my way up to the most wonderful thing that make me happy. I already know what it is and I can rest assure it is a person and they really could give a flying  fuck but too bad!

10A) People who read and comment on my blogs. It’s always appreciated.

10) CHOCOLATE. This could very well rank up there with no. 1, but it’ll sit here for now. You can dip anything, except brussel sprouts, in chocolate and it always tastes better!

9) My friends Barbara and Mary Ellen and Dee and Janet. They’ve been with me through thick and thin.

8) Laughing. A good hard belly laugh, that causes you to cry because you’re laughing so hard!

7) Being on the computer. This is my social life during the day. All my friends either work or live in distant lands. So when I’m on the computer, I’m happy.

6) The thought of going to England. I WILL get there before I’m 55.

5) Music. I love music. Classical, piano, rock, new age, prog, even some heavy metal. Ok, hip hop and rap make me feel agitated. I can talk to my kids and get the same effect.

4) Cars. I LOVE CARS. Especially vintage cars. There’s just something about them. They stir the soul. Since growing up in the era of the muscle car, I have a true appreciation for them. Mustangs, Corvettes, “Cuda’s, Cougars, Thunderbirds, Camaros, Firebirds…..they all rock!

3) My husband. Ok, he’s not the no. 1 thing that makes me happy. But he comes close. Don’t tell him that, he’ll get all butt hurt.

2) Sailing. If I lived on a lake or near the ocean…I’d be in the boat half the day. Even if there’s no wind, it’s just complete satisfaction just to sit in the cockpit and hang out.

1) (Drum roll please………………..) Jeremy Clarkson. Yes, Mr. England himself. I’m not going to go into why I love this man so much, but I just do. It’s deeper than anyone could understand. So there!

If you’ve noticed, my kids aren’t on this list. Right now, they’re pissing me off. Ask me this question in about 5 years. Maybe they’ll be on it then.